i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
