Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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