They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
