found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
