my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
