Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
