Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
