Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
