dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
