dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
