I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
