All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
