I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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