Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
