I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I smell stomach acid.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
