I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
