im six kinds of drunk right now
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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