btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
