i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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