i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
