ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
