One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize