omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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