why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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