you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
