she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
