guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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