His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
