is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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