I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
