We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
