My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
false alarm, still single
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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