2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
