I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
