there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
