Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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