so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
