Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
