It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I AM VODKA MAN
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
