Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
