She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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