On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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