Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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