so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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