i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
