dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
