So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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