These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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