i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
