Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Randomize
