Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
