TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
