Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
