so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
